Hearts for sale
by Linneagb
Summary: Two people, two broken hearts, two heart diseases. Elliot Hope and Chelsea James could not have been two more different human beings. But it must have been fate that brought them together. And fate must have known they would be the ones to know how to mend each other
1. Tell me why

**So yeah, I've had this story in my head for a bit, but wanted to finish another story before I started this. I finished it earlier today YAY. So it's time for this…. I have started a holby- fic before, but that one's a poem, and is written in a whole other way then this story and everything… So I guess this is kind of the first holby- story I'm writing. But well… here we go **

**Oh, I doodled some ideas with some of my friends for the title and summary, so a bit of credit for the title, cover- picture and summary goes to LocalXmusicXjellybeanX, x snow- pony x, flutebandgeek and GleeJunkie007. Thanks to all of you guys and sorry if I forgot somebody. **

**Okay, here we go. It's told from Elliot's point of view. Oh and I don't know much about who is or is not in holby city right now. So I will just write with them characters to suit storylines. Okay? Okay! Let's get a move on! I hope you enjoy this story **

"Oh, hello!" I greeted walking up to my new- old colleague Dr. Henrik Hanssen. "So you're back here." I shook his hand. "How was Sweden?" Henrik let hear a short chuckle.

"Well, it was great- like it always was. Do you want to taste some surströmming?" He held up a metal can that smelled like rotten vomit. "I will be holding a kind of… dinner tonight with this Swedish delicacy. My son Fredrik and his son Lukas will be there and we will be eating this kind of fish. What do you say?" He lifted the can up to show me the name of whatever it was "Surströmming"

"Actually…" I hesitated. The smell only made my stomach churn. "…I've got things to do tonight you know… laundry, dishes. I've got to go now." I span around and more or less ran out the door. Realizing the smell had spread out in the hallway I held my breath until I was back on safe, smell- free zone again, and then pulled up my phone of my pocket when I felt it buzz with a message.

_Don't call me or anything for the next few weeks dad. Too much pressure, I'll call you when I can talk again –James _

I frowned and stopped, then continuing towards my office I got up James's number on my phone and put the phone to my ear, feeling my heart beat with nervousity while one signal after the other went by and hoped and hoped that he would pick up his phone. At last the phone clicked and I took a sharp breath in, meaning to start talking just as I realized I had reach his message box

"Hey, this is James Hope. I can't pick up the phone right now- You know what to do- leave a message after the tone." The phone beeped and I quickly brainstormed for what to say.

"Hello, this is dad. I got your text message. But if you could just pick up the phone and tell me what's going on yeah? I just need to know if you're okay son? You know you can talk to me about anything. I love you." The phone beeped again and I sighed and pushed the phone down into my pocket again while I slumped backwards down into my office chair and sighed.

Today had not been a good day!

I had over- slept, skipped breakfast and came to the hospital all nauseas with hunger. I had lost one patient, and realized that if we only had had the test results in time I could have easily given the right treatment and the man would have walked himself out of the hospital within the closest week. That terrible smell from whatever that fish- thing Hanssen had was and now James too!

I might have reunited with my children after Martha had gotten hurt and everything. And we had all said that we didn't blame anyone else but ourselves for what happened to their mother but… the thing was in times when I got something from this from James I… I was beating myself right back up again and couldn't understand why James and Martha wouldn't be blaming me after what I let Gina do.

I sighed and put my head in my hands, in days like these a part of me wanted to go straight home, lie down on my bed and pull my covers over my head. Then just lay there until I fell asleep- although if I did that today I'd probably have a nightmare. While another part of me didn't want to go home, just stay there where there wasn't painful memories in every corner- just memories otherwise but in this mood they went too painful.

"Elliot." Someone knocked on the door. One of my former students- Jaylie Cameron leaned in and I looked up. "Hey… oh! Are you alright?" She came into the office, sat down in the chair on the other side of my desk and threw me the key to my house. She was living at mine for the moment and since there was only one key yet we had to switch it between us two.

"I'm fine." I shot a glance to the clock- one hour left of this day! "Did James call anything to the house today?" Jaylie shook her head. "Oh…. Well, no it's fine, it's fine." I pulled my phone up and laid it on my desk so I was sure I would see it lit up with a call. "Well if he would, or you hear anything else from him can you tell him?" Jaylie nodded and before I knew it she had reached forward and laid her palm towards my forehead.

"Jay…" I pushed her hand away. "I'm fine. Just really, really tired… Wow! You're not even half my age and already twice as much mother hen as I am ever going to be- or well, papa bear is what they say about males who are like that right?" I fumbled with my phone and pressed in James's number again without actually listening to what Jaylie said next.

"Hey, this is James Hope…"I sighed and didn't mind actually listen until the phone beeped.

"James, this is dad. If you could just pick up the phone, please I just need to… I just need to know if you're alright. You know you can talk to me about anything- even if you've messed something up! I love you." The phone beeped again and I threw the phone back on my desk. "Gah! I wish he could just pick up the phone!"

"Do you know what Elliot?" Jaylie asked after a few seconds of silence. "Go home!" I tried to protest, but didn't have the time to say anything before she had continued. "I mean it! You look exhausted, the hospital will be standing without you. Go by your son's place and check if he's okay." At the last argument I couldn't say anything against it and I stood up and patted her shoulder slightly.

"Thank you Jay. I owe you one!"

"Oh puh- lease. You're letting me stay at yours- you don't owe me anything! Oh and… I made too much food for lunch so I've got for dinner and there are more leftovers in the fridge." I shook my head and chuckled slightly. Mama hen! "Say what would you do without me? Elliot? Are you alright?" I had stopped and with some cramping in my chest I had put my hand over my heart.

"Yeah, yeah…" I cleared my throat and let go of the door frame. "Angina's acting up again! I'll be fine, I'll be fine- I've got the damn medicines at home! I'll see you later." Before Jaylie had stopped me for wanting to check something up and quickly hurried down the stairs and out on the street towards the parking lot.

It was a month until Christmas, and even though snow wouldn't be falling yet the wet November day made it feel like it was at least a few degrees below freezing and my fingers shivered while I pulled up my phone without checking who it was that called and put the phone to my ear.

"James?"

"Hey dad, it's me." Martha! "I've got James here now, he doesn't want to talk but he's perfectly alright and I think it's just a bit much for the moment for him." I nodded even though she couldn't see it. "But he's okay, he just needs to catch a break. Is there something you need me to tell him?" I hesitated.

"Yes… tell him I love him, and that if he needs he can call at any time any day. I lo…" I stopped and interrupted myself when I saw a small figure laying in a corner. "I love you too." I swallowed and looked around for the little girl's parents- or anyone that she might belong too- but only me and her were there.

"Dad? Is everything alright?"

"I've got to go!" Without saying goodbye I hung up and hurried over to the little dark- haired girl in the corner. She might have been three- four years old, and looked even smaller than she probably was lying curled up on the ground, with a duffel bag as pillow and her legs pulled into her hooded shirt as if she was freezing.

"Hi sweetie." I kneeled by her and I could see she tried to lift her head, even though she didn't really make it and sunk back towards the bag pale and with blue lips. "What are you doing here?" I moved closer not to scare her away. "I'm a doctor sweetie. Were you going to the hospital?" She nodded and I reached out and stroke her cheek- god the girl was freezing cold. "Where are your parents? Or is there some other adult here with you?" She shrugged.

"Mummy drove me down to that road." She tried to point down to the main road. "And told me to go to the hospital and say there who I was and that she didn't want me anymore. But I couldn't walk anymore." She was shivering cold. "And mummy's not here! She just pushed me out of the car and I'm so cold sir… I'm really cold!" I quickly pulled my jacket off and wrapped it around her, it literally reached from her neck down to her feet. God she was so tiny!

"Okay…" I felt a weird lump in my throat and my heart was breaking for this little girl- what if? No that couldn't have been what happened. "Here sweetie. I'm going to lift you up okay. And I'll carry you into the hospital and then I'm going to make sure that you get warm again. I am not going to hurt you okay?" The girl sniveled and tried to lift her head again when I scooped her up. "Can you tell me your name?"

"Chelsea James." I hurried towards the entrance to the hospital and asked about her age. "I'm six." I had to force myself not to drop her with the chock- if she was six then she should have been twice as big and at least three times as heavy as I could feel she was as I hurried towards my office- I had a feeling in this moment the crowded ward would only scare her.

"Jaylie." Coming into the office I found Jaylie sitting by the desk and she span around and stood up seeing me with Chelsea. "Can you come with me?" She nodded and followed me hurriedly towards the ward and quickly into a room to the side where we would be closed off from the rest of the ward. "Can you get… get some humidified oxygen it'll help to warm her up." I laid Chelsea onto the bed in the room and got out a thermometer from a cupboard and put it into Chelsea's ear.

I was used to children pulling away when I grabbed their ear as hard as I usually did when I checked their temperature, but Chelsea didn't even flinch and drowsily pulled up my jacket to her chin. I hated doing it to her but her clothes under were soaking and would only slow the process with warming her up so with hooking her up on a monitor I pulled off my jacket of her along with her clothes except for T- shirt and underwear, then pulled my own button up (thank God I had for once in my life been wearing a T- shirt under today) and pulled it on her before I held her as tightly as I could for my body heat to warm her up.

"34, 2" I explained when Jaylie came back in and pulled a mask over Chelsea's mouth. "It's okay sweetie, it won't hurt. It'll help warm you up okay?" Jaylie came with a blanket that she pulled around the both of us. "Thanks Jay… God it's like holding a piece of ice." I cradled Chelsea in my arms. "Can you check her bag and see if you find anything that can tell us why she's here?" Jaylie nodded and opened the printed duffel bag.

"There is a plastic bag with several kinds of meds here." Jaylie stated almost right away as she had opened it and started rabbling the tags on the medicine cans, while I felt my heart drop more and more in my chest while I looked down on the blue skin tone of the little girl's lips and around her eyes- oh dear sweet lord!

"Elliot? Are you alright? What are all of these medicines for?"

"Chronical heart failure." I lifted Chelsea up as well as I could and felt her cheek with mine to feel if she was getting warmer. "Can you check her temperature again?" Jaylie nodded but I could see she was thinking hard about what those meds and what I said they were for would mean even when she did what I asked and then showed me the thermometer.

"It's good, she's at least getting warmer." I cradled her carefully, only to realize Chelsea had almost fallen asleep in my lap. "Hey, Chelsea sweetie." She opened one eye and tiredly looked at me. "I need you to stay awake for me okay? Only until you're warm again." Chelsea shook her head weakly. "I'm sorry but you need to stay awake, only for a little while longer." She mumbled something and I carefully pulled away the mask. "Can you say it again sweetie?"

"But I'm so tired. And I'm so cold." I had to ignore what felt like her weak voice squeezing my heart telling me to just let her do what she wanted, placed the oxygen mask over her mouth and nose again while trying to come up with something that would help me keep her awake.

"Don't you think that is kind of scary for her?" Jaylie came into the room again and checked Chelsea's temperature again. "I mean that a man she doesn't know comes and picks her up and then brings her in here? Did you tell her you're a doctor?" I nodded, I hadn't really thought about it after I had picked her up.

"I think she's just too tired and cold to react onto what is going on." I stroke Chelsea's hair and shook her gently to have her stay awake. "Here." I started to carefully pick Chelsea up from my lap and unwrap myself from the chords and hoses. "I'm going to go on the computer and see if she's in our system. Here sweetie, I'll lift you over into that lady's lap and go outside for just a minute. But she is very nice, and I will be back very soon." Chelsea nodded weakly and let herself be lift over- still wrapped in both my button up and a blanket into Jaylie's lap. "Jay, just try and make sure she doesn't fall asleep yet until she's… whoa."

Chelsea's duffel bag laid open on a table and I had walked just a little bit too close and accidentally pushed it down and it landed upside down. "Okay." I kneeled down and picked up the things that had fallen out. "Oh wait, here is something!" I picked up a dosage pill box and a paper that I unfolded- to find another folded paper that fell to the floor and I kneeled again to pick it up and read on the outside of it.

_To whoever finds my daughter _

"I think this might tell us why Chelsea is here." I tried to shake off the weird feeling I had. "I don't want to read it here, I think it's better if I read it somewhere else and then tell her about what it says. See you soon." I picked up the last few things that had fallen onto the floor and- feeling like I had to be in private and do it as fast as possible I hurried towards my office where I sunk down behind my desk and unfolded the paper.

_Hello_

_If you're reading this it probably means that you've met my daughter Chelsea James. And if you have, and if you know anything then you probably wouldn't be able to hate me more- maybe especially if you do have children of your own sir, ma'am or miss that are reading this. And you're probably wondering what made me leave my own child._

_Well I guess that no excuse would be good enough or say half of what I wanted to say about it. But I am alone with Chelsea and her brother who is two year's old. And even though I could never choose whichever of Tyler or Chelsea I loved the most- I know that a big part of my financial problems comes from having to pay hospital bills that comes with Chelsea's heart. _

_Chelsea have got severe heart failure, just the other week we learned that she's going to need a transplant but I have no money left. And no energy left for taking care of two children- one of them fatally ill on my own. I know you think I'm selfish and a terrible person and I can't argue against that but I honestly think that Chelsea will be better off with someone else than me. _

_I don't know if Chelsea will end up with you, or someone completely different but wherever she goes can you just do one more thing for me? Make sure that Chelsea knows that I love her, now, before and for always- but that it wasn't just enough. Even though there was nothing she did wrong. _

_Goodbye _

I lowered my hand with the letter and felt once again as if a hand was squeezing my heart and lungs, I could feel blood streaming in my ears and I couldn't take a deep breath! But this time it was of anger. How could she… How dared she… How could anyone just leave their child into a very possible death like that?

Having to get out just a tiny little bit of aggression I grabbed the biggest and heaviest book I could find in my shelf and threw it into the wall with all that I was worth.

"You evil…" I started pulling out books from the shelf only to have something to do. "You rotten… You mean and dumb and evil MONSTER!" I grabbed another book and threw it into the wall- reacting like this might or might not be like me but if there was one thing I could not stand it was parents leaving their children- especially if it would be for their own well- being.

"What are you doing in there? Are you alright?" Someone knocked and shouted through the locked door and I had to force myself to calm down enough to take in what she had asked and shouting back that I was just fine, nothing to worry about I was just rearranging the room for a bit- well, if that meant throwing books over the whole floor it was certainly what I had done.

And still the biggest challenge of this was left.

How on earth was I going to explain to Chelsea why her mother didn't want her anymore?

**So…. Dun, dun, dun duuuuuunnnnnn… there's a first chapter for you all, I hope you liked it. **

**So if anyone wonders- surströmming is a real delicacy, and yep! It does smell like rotten vomit. And the smell gets everywhere but it actually doesn't taste too bad. **


	2. Ego you

**Many of my cover pictures have disappeared from fanfiction. Most of them because the pictures didn't belong to me and I didn't want any of my stories being removed for breaking the rules, but this one and a few others were removed because fanfiction changed their picture formats and then the pictures weren't right and then I was too lazy to start shooting new pictures and all of that but well. You can now see for the cover, my avatar which is a photo of my dog. **

**Sorry I took so long to update. Here is the new chapter anyway. **

It took me three weeks, but at last I managed to reach Chelsea's mum, I talked to her. Or it was more about trying to understand how anyone could leave their child just like that. While Mrs. James herself mostly seemed callous and tried to keep Tyler- Chelsea's eighteen months old brother busy with toys so he wouldn't start whining.

…"_I have two children of my own Mrs. James." At last I was so angry I stood up and looked her sternly in the eyes. "James and Martha, they're adults now. I and Gina hit some rough patches, damn it we barely slept for two years. Money was tight sometimes, but I don't really get why you use that excuse since hospital care is for free so I know it's just an excuse. A bad one. Because I get that no matter what you do or what happens. You shall never, ever just leave your child like you left Chelsea. She could have died out there Mrs. James. And I'm going to make sure I give her care and a life a whole lot better than you ever could… _

With that I had turned around and left with the anger boiling in my whole body. Now it all had run off. I couldn't keep angry sitting by Chelsea's bed and watching her sleep. There were still stains from tears on her cheeks, and I hated it. And I hated that I'd had to tell her that her mother wasn't going to come back to her anymore.

…_."NOOOO" Chelsea screamed at the top of her lungs. And I was afraid she'd do it for so long she'd lose her breath and that it would throw her into something where her heart would break down again and in a worst case scenario make it stop beating. "NO, NO, NONONO. YOU'RE LYING BECAUSE YOU WANT ME ALL TO YOURSELF AND NOT TO MUM. YOU'RE LYING. YOU'RE LYING." When Chelsea started punching me with all the power she had in her short arms and tiny fists and I held her tightly in my embrace so she wouldn't hurt neither me nor herself… _

Damn it, what sort of egoistic, monster- like person did it take for a person to do this to her own child. It wasn't my thing to do this, her mother should be here. Stroke her hair like I was doing when she just broke down and keep her from hurting herself. But she wasn't… She was just too egoistic and… evil to know anything about the love as a parent to a child!

"Hello." The door opened and Jaylie came into the room whispering when she saw the child was asleep and also tip- toed over the floor and sat down right next to me while placing a plastic bag on the bedside table. "Are you alright? How did it go?" I hesitated for a moment and thought back to the last few moments before Chelsea fell asleep.

…_."I hate you. You're lying. I hate you. You're lying. I hate you…" Chelsea's words had gone from shouts to weak whimpers. And it was a good thing Mariah Knight wasn't there right then because if she had I could have just as well ripped her into pieces for what she had done to her daughter. Whom I already loved so my heart was almost breaking… _

"It went like I would have expected it to." I answered her tiredly. "How are you doing?" Jaylie looked weirdly tired and yawned before she got the chance to answer and in a comforting move I put a hand towards her back and wasn't thinking about the fact that I didn't let her answer before I continued. "Are you doing alright? Have you eaten? Have you got a temp?" I stood up and felt her forehead but Jaylie pushed me away and I slumped back on my chair.

"I'm doing fine. My blood sugar got a bit low earlier but I had a chocolate bar and it raised enough for me to make a proper lunch without it getting too low again before I could have it. I'm just a bit tired but I'll be fine. We're all tired a bit once in a while aren't we?" Jaylie glanced to me. "I mean it Elliot. I'm fine. I'll be as alert as a lark in a minute as soon as I've woken up properly and oh…" She took the bag she had brought and pulled out three lunch boxes of it- one printed with some picture from that frozen movie (For Chelsea) and two just simple white ones (for me and herself) and handed me one. "Here. Yep… That one's yours. It's got olives on it." She grimaced to show me what she thought about olives and I opened my box. "But I would suggest you go home and eat and take a nap and take a shower. Because Elliot Hope, I'm not going to put this nicely. You've barely left the hospital for a month. You smell!"

I jokily grimaced back at Jaylie and hesitated for a moment. "Okay." I agreed at last. "I'll go home, eat, shower and sleep for a minute. But if something happens then you page me right away. Okay?" Jaylie nodded and held up her pinkie that I jokily hooked with mine like you usually did with children. "Pinkie swear. " I grabbed my lunch box and my coat and then went out of the room and down the hallway to the stairs.

"Hope" In the middle of the hallway I was interrupted by Jac's voice sounding loud and I stopped and turned around while the red- haired woman came stepping over to me and stopped with a serious look on her face that I just knew meant she'd come with a not-so-very-nice- comment about something, and I prayed that it wasn't going to be about Chelsea.

"I can understand you have gone pretty close to this patient?!" She half stated half questioned and I nodded. "Elliot, I'm not saying this only to be a b*tch. I'm saying it because I think you need to hear it. But I don't think you should let yourself get so close to this kid. You know… she might not be here tomorrow. And will it then be worth getting heartbroken all over again." With that Jacqueline Naylor silent, turned around and walked down the hallway back to the reception desk.

I stood still for a while and felt anger stronger than I could have ever imagined boiling up inside of me. I was for sure going to show that Jac Naylor that this was going to be… well… the exact opposite of what she seemed to be thinking. That this was all going to be worth it- and with that thought filling my head and my whole body I turned towards the door and left the hospital.

Coming home I was still so angry I couldn't eat or fall asleep, at last I had calmed down enough to get the sandwich Jaylie had made in me but I just continued pacing back and forth on my bedroom floor until it was almost midnight, and then at last decided that Jaylie's suggestion to have a shower might be enough to have me relax enough to fall asleep.

The suggestion turned out to work and standing with the water pouring over my head I felt my eyelids getting heavier and heavier until I at last could get into an old T- shirt and some sweatpants from God knows how long ago before I mostly fell into bed and didn't even mind turning the lights off before I fell asleep and drifted off into dreams about hearing Chelsea's voice along with James's and Martha's call out for me running in a dark forest trying to find them. But as soon as I thought I would be close enough they moved again, and they were gone.

I woke up bathing in sweat so badly before I returned to the hospital I had to head for the showers again. But still the clock had barely passed five when I walked through the hallway towards Chelsea's room and found Chelsea sleeping with Jaylie sitting right by fighting to stay awake and I walked over and laid a hand on her back.

"Okay, I'm here now so time for you to think about you. Go and have something to eat and then go sleep. And do it at the hospital because if you get behind the wheel it won't be just about you. Take the couch in the office or somewhere." Jaylie nodded and grabbed her lunch box. Sweeping down a whole box of Chelsea's… loom bands- small, colorful rubber bands that Chelsea would make small hearts to put on key rings of and they scattered down onto the floor and Jaylie sighed. "Don't worry about it." I patted her shoulder. "I'll take care of it." The gratefulness in Jaylie's eyes was undeniable and she stood up, grabbed her bag and then left the room with heavy steps while I sat down on my knees on the floor and tried to scoop up the loom bands into my palm and spent the rest of the morning sorting them by color so Chelsea wouldn't be upset about having to do that the first thing when she woke up.

I didn't see much of Jaylie that morning or forenoon, she must have been exhausted when she went to bed because at last, in the early afternoon when I started worrying and was just about to call her she came into the room again and slumped down in the chair next to me and looked to the loom band heart that Chelsea was holding in her hands in the making.

"Sorry I was gone for so long. I…"

"It's okay." I interrupted and didn't mind that Jaylie was trying to say something. "It's okay for you to think about you, you know." Jaylie tried to say something and pointed to the door, but I didn't turn around. "You know, taking a while to be egoistic doesn't make you a bad person." I smirked. "What? What is it?"

"There's someone here to see you. I met them outside but I didn't catch their names." Jaylie nodded to the door and I turned around and could see through the windows in the wall and right away more or less flew onto my feet when I saw who they were.

"Martha, James." I hurried out of the room and quickly went over to James. "Oh God, you scared me son. Don't you ever scare me like that again." I backed a step and put my palm against James's cheek. "I love you son. And I'll be there for you whatever is going on okay? Just… don't scare me like that that again." James bit his bottom lip but I could still see the tears that had been rising in his eyes. "It's okay. And Martha." I turned to my daughter and embraced her. "Thank you for calling that day hey… I'm sorry I had to hang up but… There's something you both need to know and that is… that I am in the works of… fostering a child."

"FOSTERING?" Martha shouted and I tried to calm her down so Chelsea wouldn't hear and be stressed up again. "But dad… don't you think you should have at least spoken to us about it? Dad, have you even thought about this? And a kid? You won't have mum to help you with this, this time you know and…"

"You don't think I should foster a kid?"

"No. I don't" I suppressed a sigh, and Martha actually did sigh while I glanced back to the door. "Wait… she's in hospital… What is wrong with her?" I bit my lip, I wasn't so sure about if I wanted to tell her before Martha had even met her and I gestured to the children to come after me and turned to the door and opened it just as I saw Chelsea sitting up on the bed and my children came after me.

"Chelsea. These are my children. James and Martha. James, Martha. This is my foster daughter. Chelsea James. Do you want to say hi Chels?" Chelsea looked nervously from my children to me, and so she opened her mouth and I waited for her to say something. But instead she threw a hand over her mouth in the next moment and a gurgling sound was heard when she threw up all over herself and the covers.

"Oh…" Martha was suddenly the only one who barely knew what to say while Chelsea threw up again. "Oh Sweetheart. It's okay." I was just on my way to get forward when my doctor skills kicked in to grab a basin so she wouldn't continue to throw up on herself. But Martha was faster than me and shot over to Chelsea to rub her back.

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay sweetie. It's not your fault." Once again, Martha was quicker to answer than me. "Now, does it feel like you will get sick again? Chelsea shook her head carefully. "Okay, then let's go and get you cleaned up. Come on." My heart swelled with pride for my daughter when she helped Chelsea down to the floor and they walked into the bathroom for Martha to help the little one to get cleaned up. And then they disappeared out of my sight, and left in the room was only me and James.

I grabbed a pair of gloves and started cleaning of the bed and fix from when Chelsea had gotten sick. James still didn't say a word but started helping me pulling off the sheets and fold them so we could carry them to the laundry room. And neither did he when Martha came out into the main room and asked for clothes for Chelsea to wear.

Only for me to realize I'd forgotten to do the laundry, and that neither Chelsea nor I nor Jaylie (We had both spent as good as all of our time here with Chelsea the last few weeks) had any clean clothes here except for a few sets of underwear and socks and one of Jaylie's caps. And the next few minutes were spent running around at the hospital trying to find someone who had a spare T- shirt or just about anything so Chelsea wouldn't have to wear the ugly hospital clothes.

At last I got to borrow a button- up- shirt from Sacha. It wasn't the most comfortable piece of clothing, and it would be around a thousand sizes too big for Chels but it was better than nothing and Sacha must have told me a thousand times (After every time I asked) that if the shirt got stains of food or blood or vomit or whatever else then the shirt was so old and ragged anyway, he would most likely throw it away anyway.

I handed the shirt to the girls through a barely opened door and couldn't help but laugh when they came out again. It wasn't hard to see on the shirt that while Chelsea was a tiny little girl, Sacha was a big- grown man and Martha had helped Chelsea to fold it at the bottom so she at least wouldn't step on it and stumble all the time. And at the same time both of the sleeves were pulled along the floor by her sides.

"Chels. I'll go out in the hallway with these two only for a minute." I told Chelsea when Martha helped her up onto the bunk again and Chelsea reached for her loom bands. "We'll be right outside so if you need us or if you feel sick again you'll only have to shout and we'll be right in okay?" Chelsea nodded and got out the plastic board she put up those loom bands on and so reached for the box with the bands once again.

The question hit me wondering where Chelsea was going to do of all of those hearts she made. But I didn't mind asking before I more or less pulled my children out of the room and faced them after closing the door so Chelsea wouldn't hear what I told them. And the looks on their faces just told me that they- especially James weren't anywhere close to changing their minds about Chelsea.

"I'm going to put this out very clear to you both. And I want you all to do your best to for once in your life to forget about yourself and not be so freaking selfish and egoistic and think about Chelsea okay? Chelsea… she's six. She is very ill. I found her outside of the hospital when I was talking to you Martha on the phone. She was wet, she was cold, she was lonely because her mum just abandoned her and left along with Chelsea's little brother, because she couldn't stand to take care of a sick child and somehow she blamed the money and hospital taxes which of course you know doesn't hold since care for children is for free. And I'm not going to be another one to just leave Chels when telling her that I'm going to be there. And I will do anything there is in my power to get to stay here, as long as it will be possible. Okay?"

"Are you done?" Martha asked and I nodded. "Can we take a walk and talk a bit- only you and me?" I asked James to keep an eye on Chelsea while we were walking and then went out in the stairs and Martha stopped with her arms crossed over her chest and looking out the window.

"Do you remember Ben, dad?" Martha's words hit me harder than the train, almost as hard as when I two seconds later realized why she said it. "We broke up, we got a freaking divorce because you didn't want me to stay together with someone that was ill. And Ben was going blind. And now you're doing the same as I was doing then, and staying together if not even in the same way with someone who is very, very ill. And you obviously had the right to speak your mind about me and Ben so now I will speak my mind about you and that kid okay?"

I realized that however I would twist and turn everything Martha would be right. "Okay." I nodded at last, mostly because the sooner she started the sooner she would be done. "Okay" I stated one more time and then finally Martha took a deep breath in before she told me everything at once.

"Dad, Chelsea's a little kid and I know that you know she is very ill. What are you going to do? Take care of her like you didn't have time for James and me? You know, you won't have mum by your side this time and that is why I think this is bloody stupid. So no, I don't think you should be fostering a child." I waited for a few seconds and then spoke myself.

"Are you done?" Martha nodded. "So then… I know that you are angry, and still are angry with me because of what happened between you and Ben but this isn't about you, and it's not about Ben. It's about Chelsea. And she's a little child who needs someone in the whole world to care for her. And I do. So I'm not going to leave her. And I just hope that you would get why I decided to do what I did with first letting Jaylie into the house and now letting Chelsea in. Look, you and James aren't children anymore. You don't need my attention like you used to. Chelsea does… and how am I then supposed to not give it to her? Please Martha." My daughter had sat down on a bench and I sat down next to her and took her hands in mine. "Can you try and put yourself in my spot here and understand why I want to help Chelsea?"

"Damn it dad." Martha stood up and slowly started walking into the ward and I followed. "I understood it when I saw you with Chelsea and Jaylie before you had seen us coming. Only… I suppose it would be wrong blaming him but James seemed so sure it was all wrong and I just couldn't leave him lonely… Do you get what I mean?"

I couldn't help but chuckle shortly and I laid an arm around Martha's shoulders and stopped. "I do love. But you do know don't you? That even if I'm letting in Chelsea into my home and heart, as well as Jaylie… it doesn't mean that I love you or James any less. And you can still come to me whenever with whatever you want?" Martha pulled closer and rested her head against my shoulder for a split moment.

"I know dad."

"So… You agree with me that there was nothing else I could have done than what I did." At last I and Martha walked up and through the hallway back towards Chelsea's room. "And that is good because I will do everything I can to be the legal guardian of this child. And I can't be another one for her that have just broken a promise and left her. So… With you and James, one down. And one to go… Maybe you can help me with the one to go?"

"I don't think I have to." Martha said, just barely loud enough for me to hear. We had stopped outside Chelsea's room and Martha stood so she could see the room through the windows and she nodded for me to turn around and see what she could. And what I saw was to me so beautiful it took my breath away.

On the bed in the room James sat leaned back, His head was hanging to the side and one of his arms a small figure in a way too big shirt. Chelsea had curled up in Sacha's shirt and in James's arms, both were sleeping deeply and with everything that had been going on lately. God would know how long it was since James last did that. And on the side laid a copy of the cat in the hat that it seemed James had been reading to Chelsea when they both fell asleep.

They were asleep so deeply none of them woke up when I and Martha as quietly as we both could and I got a blanket from a cupboard while Martha took the book and laid it on the bedside table. She took the other end of the blanket from me and spread it over the sleeping two carefully not to wake them up. Chelsea groaned and rolled over onto her back in her sleep, and not until I realized she had my son's shoulder as a pillow I realized I and James had forgotten to put both pillow and covers back on the bed while we were talking. But it didn't actually matter now since if I put them back it would have to wake them both sleeping two up and mostly important now was to let them sleep.

"Well done Mr. Hope." Martha almost whispered when I was closing the door to Chelsea's room walking out in the hallway. "You managed to turn around your two egoistic adult children to seem to mostly care someone who needed more than themselves." I put an arm around Martha's shoulder and kissed on top of the soft, dark hair.

"Martha, you're not selfish. And you've never been. It was just a stupid thing I said when I was angry. And you have to admit, that you and James first thought that I shouldn't have taken Jaylie in, and then thought I shouldn't have taken Chelsea in. That was selfish." Martha smiled but didn't say anything while I gave her a side- hug and then listened to some music that was playing through the hallways. "Hey… can you be selfish enough to have a dance with your old man even though it'll probably hurt his whole old body." I smirked to let her know the hurt was a joke and held out my hand.

"Dad, you're not old." I raised an eyebrow while she laid a hand on my shoulder and took my other one in hers. And it might not have been very pretty, or a big dance like it should have been at her wedding or whatever. But as a father to dance with my now adult daughter in the hospital hallways it couldn't have made me happier than to have her here and see her spin around and laugh. Even though it might have made me egoistic to do this instead of caring about my patients like I maybe should have done right now. But my happiness was kind of destroyed when my daughter asked the one question I had been so afraid of asking myself.

"Dad… Is Chelsea going to die?" She looked at me seriously, and I knew she wanted the answer that was right. Without me trying to find a way around it not to hurt anyone- including hurting myself the least possible.

"Chelsea needs a new heart. And the time is running out. Even if she got one the surgery would be long and full of risks. So…" Martha nodded showing that she understood.

"So she is?"

"She might." I cleared my throat to be able to go on. "I don't know."


	3. An angel

**So. Here we are. Oh and, for these shorter stories I usually use titles or lines from songs as titles for chapters. And try to keep a theme in every story. And the theme for this story is titles of songs originally made or covered by Declan Galbraith. You should really check the songs out- especially tell me why. They're amazing. **

**Oh, and as you have maybe seen I added a new cover- picture to this. It's a bunch of loom band hearts (Yes, the kind that Chelsea makes) with like a thousand loom bands. Yes, I made them, yes, I shot the picture and put text on it and I hope you're liking the new cover- picture. **

**Also, each shoutout goes to LocalXmusicXjellybeanX and GleeJunkie007 for giving their thoughts on Charlie's name. **

**Oh and I have planned out and taken notes on what will happen through the rest of this story. And my original plan of making this three chapters long kind of failed. So instead it will be a total of four chapters long. So it's this chapter and then one more after that. **

**I hope you like this chapter. **

Around a week after Chelsea had met Martha and James for the first time it was Christmas Eve and the hospital was filled with glitter, Christmas music and whatever else that came along with it. Everyone seemed unusually happy and to peace, and there was that classic old, dement lady walking around the ward singing summer songs again.

Nothing was what it usually was. But most of it was, according to many and the most it changed for the better. But I hadn't been too keen of Christmas time since my Gina died. Christmas had been her favorite time of the year and… without her I just couldn't even get the box with thee Christmas things down from the attic.

It didn't take me too long to realize though, that with Jaylie in the house that was going to change. One morning when we both were home (James and Martha were with Chelsea) she asked me to bring the box with Christmas things down and I got it, and then left for the hospital to stay with Chelsea during the day. When Jaylie was staying with her for the night I'd came home to a house that was so filled with glitter and lights it made the ornaments Gina had done seem pale and boring.

(I didn't tell Jaylie though. But I probably would have preferred Gina's way to do it. Jay's was a bit over the top. But I knew that even though she wanted to stay with Chelsea, she didn't have to because of that. But because of work, and I knew it destroyed her that she wouldn't meet her family. So I just let her keep on doing what she was doing. Even when it meant I would dress up as Santa clause-again!)

Also in Chelsea's room things had changed. And it wasn't all in the few ornaments we had managed to sneak in- with Chelsea's eyes glittering of joy when she saw the glitter. Chelsea had also changed, the first day after I had told her about her mum she was destroyed and didn't speak to anyone except for James.

(James seemed to be her favorite out of everybody who ever came to see her. I couldn't blame her though. James seemed to be the only one that didn't treat Jaylie like she was made of glass.)

So, the next day when I had arrived Chelsea seemed all like before. And she told me that James had told her that if anyone had just left her like that, Chelsea shouldn't even care about them. Because they didn't deserve her feelings. And they're the ones who should feel bad about not getting to see her anymore.

From then on Chelsea quickly had gone back to the happy persona she had been before. Making her loom- band- hearts and talking whoever came into the room (Including the times it had been Sacha, Hanssen and Mo) to read her a story. I had bought some empty key rings when she had stated to need them for those hearts she was making, and with that she seemed happier than ever. Even though I still couldn't imagine what she was going to do with all of those hearts.

I had gone home for the night just two days ago, woken up early in the morning when my phone rang and answered a panicking Jaylie. Who had barely managed to stutter that something was very wrong with Chelsea. She had tried to do something and set on the emergency alarms. Several older and more experienced doctors had come in and with that Chelsea had been told to get out.

I had thrown myself out of the bed- as good as a guy over fifty could throw himself out of the bed and caught the first long- sleeved shirt I could find. Pulled it on along with my glasses and the sweatpants and T- shirt I used for pyjamas. And I had sped to the hospital, while it felt like I was moving too slow the whole way until I ran into the ward and rudely pushed Jaylie away to get to Chelsea's room.

Just as I came through the doors Chelsea's heart had gone back to a stable rhythm. But still, if it kept like this. New year's wasn't going to pass before we'd have to put Chelsea on a pump, then on a ventilator. And if nothing happened within a time that Chelsea could survive and she had a new heart. Then all hope was out and there would be nothing else to do.

And in all of that I could only hear Jac telling me I shouldn't let myself get so close to this girl. And I couldn't push it again. But the thought that I'd do anything- like anything, if it so meant giving my heart up for sale and switch it to one who had any sense of rationality with whom it would love and not love.

Chelsea was now sicker than aver. She actually slept around twenty hours a day and when she was awake she would weakly lay in her bed and let someone read her a story or fixing with her key ring hearts. Which seemed harder and harder for her to do and since yesterday Jaylie would have to do the hardest part with the most bands for her.

This Christmas eve I and Jaylie had brought God knows how many boxes with lunches and dinners for us all- Chelsea couldn't eat solid food by now. So also a small portable freezer had been brought in here full with smoothies that we had frozen on Popsicle sticks of different fruits, vegetables and berries. It wasn't much, but sucking on them would at least give her some vitamins and nutrition. And it was better than getting fed through needles.

We had also brought clothing that would last for several days. Everything so we wouldn't have to leave Chelsea alone during Christmas.

(Because who would have the heart to leave a six year old alone in a hospital room during Christmas?)

For now James and Martha were back at my house and getting each shower and a moment away from the hospital. But knowing them right they probably wouldn't be gone for long and then be back with the whole black bag we had with Christmas presents- most of them for Chelsea, and most of those containing things with prints from Frozen. Frozen was Chelsea's favorite movie, and the only movie she'd ever watch actually.

"Here" Jaylie brought me back to reality right now instead of wondering about everything that had happened lately with reaching me a box with salad, a can with diet coke and knife and fork. "Has something changed?" Jaylie too had been gone for a while just a bit earlier to get a shower and a moment to herself. I shook my head at her question. "Has she been asleep mostly?" I nodded and sighed looking too Chelsea. "It will be okay Mr. Hope. Chelsea's a trouper."

"As a somewhat early Christmas present or whatever to call it to you Jay." I started to change the subject. "Why don't you just start calling me Elliot? We live in the same house and everything so you might as well do that too." Jaylie smiled and turned to her salad and didn't answer. "Oh great, olives. You know me too well by now." I stuck the plastic fork down in my salad.

I could see Jaylie grimace slightly- there was nothing eatable she hated more than olives and only seeing me eating them… I just shook my head and continued eating while watching Chelsea who was still sleeping tightly.

"Hey dad. Hey Jaylie." Just a minute later James and Martha came into the room just before Chantelle came into the room. Chantelle hung an IV bag over Chelsea's bag and switched the needle in her arm. Every once in a while they would actually have to pull a needle out and put in a new one. You might think that Chelsea would have gotten used to the sticks by now- but she hadn't. And the whole while, while Chantelle put the needle in I held onto her hand while James hugged her tightly and Martha hummed on some lullaby that Gina had sung to her and James to calm them down.

"I like the way you've painted your nails." Chelsea said once it was all over. "It's really pretty." I didn't mind much about anyone's nails but still looked down to find them very long- much longer than what was allowed for the staff at a place like this of hygiene reasons. And painted in rainbow's colors. "Can you do that on my nails someday?"

"Oh, speaking about someday." Martha leaned closer and whispered into my ear. "Since today is Christmas Eve we have brought all the Christmas presents. They're still in the car. Can we put them in your office so Chelsea doesn't see them?" I nodded. "Okay, I'll go get them now." Martha walked out of the room and disappeared out of my sight and I gave Chantelle a meaning look and then looked to her nails to show her what I mean.

But, Christmas Eve or not. Chelsea would still sleep, although she seemed happier than she had been in a long time waking up as much as she ever did on Christmas day morning and seeing James with that big bag of presents. And she seemed even happier when James read the tags from the presents and almost all of them were for her.

I took over for a while when Chelsea wanted James to be there with her. Wow- there really wasn't any chance there were any better friends in the whole world than Chelsea and James… And only seeing them together I thought my heart would beat right out of my chest of happiness and pride.

"Here. And… This present is for…" I read from the sticker on the wrapping paper. "Oh, look here. Another one for Chelsea. Wow, you must have been really nice this year. You're getting more presents than all of us all together." I handed the latest present to Chelsea and just like with the ones before she fumbled a bit with the paper and James had to help her a bit before she could see the best- friends- necklaces Martha had found with Anna and Elsa from Frozen. James helped her to get the necklaces out from the store's wrapping and held them up.

"Who do you think should be honored to share the other half of your best- friends- heart Chels?" He asked her, Chelsea seemed too weak to speak but she lifted a finger and pointed. "Me? Oh, that would be an honor Angel. Do you want the half with Anna or the one with Elsa?" Chelsea had to breathe in as deeply as she possibly could to answer him.

"Elsa."

"Okay." James loosened the one with Elsa from the piece of carton it was put on. "Then I'll have the one with Anna. Here." James supported her back so she could sit up and Martha helped them both to put the necklaces on. "Do you want to come and sit for a bit?" James patted his knee and looked questioning at Chelsea who nodded. "Okay, come here."

I helped James to bend away the hoses and chords that was attached everywhere on Chelsea's tiny figure so he could get a good grip of her to lift her down from the bed and onto his lap. Chelsea leaned her head against James's shoulder but so looked up with a hand over her mouth.

"It's okay Chels. Dad. We need a basin." I had gotten it once I'd seen the expression in Chelsea's movement and handed it to Martha who sat closer than me. And she held the basin in front of Chelsea while James held her upright and rubbed her back, Jaylie held Chelsea's hair away from her face and Chelsea could do nothing else than let one dry heave after the other wrench her fragile body.

"It's okay. Okay. That's it." After what felt like forever it seemed she was finished throwing up and leaned closer to James's chest again. I was on my way to take the basin and throw it away. But Jaylie was quicker than me and was half done before I'd taken a single step. "Hey. Should we take a break from all of those presents and you can sleep for a bit?" Chelsea nodded. "Do you want to hear a story? Okay, maybe I can come up with one. About a miracle little girl who was very sick. But got just the right help on Christmas day. And I would call the story 'a Christmas miracle'"

"There are no miracles." It was a whimper, barely more than a whisper. But still it went right into my heart and shattered it into pieces. "And there's no use Jamey. I'll never get a heart in town so I'll just die." I closed my eyes, and almost wished that I could have closed my ears and my heart too. That's how badly it hurt.

I had lived in a- somewhat unrealistic thought that Chelsea didn't know how ill she was. That she thought it was normal to live in a hospital and having doctors and nurses coming into the room, talk with mumbled and quiet voices to each other. Forms forming worse and worse in their foreheads. But I should have known- I should have known she knew.

God, my angel!

I would have protected her from all of this, and all the other harm there was in the world if I could. She was my little angel and I would have thrown myself under a train if it would make her feel better. Or just take away the fear- because no matter how much Chelsea fought not to show it. I knew she was nothing else than a very strong little girl on the outside, while tiny, and terrified on the inside.

But so I glanced over my children- all of them.

It was in fact incredible how close I and Jaylie had gotten in the year I had known her, and even more incredible how I loved Chelsea so much I felt my heart breaking when she told James that she would die without help.

And I had never been prouder!

James, the one who had been in God knows how much trouble after his mum died had finally let go of his own high expectations himself and let himself only sit there holding Chelsea close doing actually absolutely nothing- yet still the most he could have ever done. Martha who had been so broken and hurt by not being as 'brilliant' as James, Gina and I (Her words, not mine) Seemed to have accepted who she really was, and was happy with that as long as she could make others happy.

I looked to Jaylie, and remembered the quiet little mouse somewhere in the outcast of her class. How she had sneaked her needles and medicines into her pockets, sneaked away to eat and all not to let anyone know that she was chronically ill. I remembered how scared she had been when we hadn't had any other choice than to find out and the relief when I told her as long as she took care of herself- it didn't interfere with her plans of becoming a doctor.

And the Jaylie standing in front of me, distressed looking down at Chelsea. She was tougher, more secure, took more place and not least- she didn't have any secrets… well as far as I knew about. And so last I looked down at Chelsea lying in James's arms with her head against his chest and his chin against her head.

Chelsea- God, my angel… Maybe all of ours' angel in not so long time if help didn't turn up in time…

I was woken up from my thoughts when a sharp beeping went through the room. I looked down on my own pager before I had realized the sound was further away from me than this one. Jaylie looked to hers too, but shook her head until James held up Chelsea's pager and it lit up-and that could only mean one thing!

"You see Chels?" Already, Martha was fixing with the hoses and chords to do what we all had planned in this case- Jaylie and Martha would help Chelsea shower and was with a special soap that was used before surgery. And I would run and check with the doctors and nurses that had paged us what was going on.

"Mo?" It seemed like Mo would be the one to do the surgery- not too surprising since she was the one of us best put into transplants. "Is it…" I was almost jumping where I stood with nervousity- God let this be a match! God let this be the right one for our angel!

"A family came in after a car crash just a while ago. Four of five were somewhat okay and will all be okay. Although one of them was so badly hurt there was nothing to do. He was about the same age and size as Chelsea." Something flashed by in Mo's eyes and I couldn't blame her- he must too have been very little and very young. "And we're just testing everything now to check so everything's a match. Will you go and get Chelsea?" I nodded and then ran as fast as I could back to Chelsea's room, helped the new staff put her on a new stretcher and pushed her towards the OR.

The waiting would be the worst part of it all, and if this turned out right then we would have to do a lot of it the closest few days. And I had already known before that I wouldn't get to be a part of the transplant since we weren't allowed to treat people we were closer to than to other patients that we didn't know.

"Mr. Hope." Jake the OR nurse came up to me suddenly in the waiting room. "And Miss Hope, Mr. Hope and Miss Cameron. I just wanted to tell you that we have done all the tests and it proves that everything we needed to match is a match. So they're starting the surgery in the OR now and sorry but I need to get back." Jake turned around again and hurried out of the waiting room while I hugged my children.

"Jaylie." Martha held out one arm. "You too. Don't you think you can get out of this." Jaylie hesitated, but when both I and James both signed at her to get closer too she joined the hug and for God knows how long we just stood like that with our arms around each other's shoulders silently.

"I love you all." I told them truthfully. "I love you all so much. More than anything else. And… I want you to know that whatever you're thinking then you can just come to me with it. Okay?" The others didn't answer while we all broke lose, and then waited. And waited, and waited.

And never have I ever experienced the time moving on so slowly.

"Mr. Hope." Chantelle came up to me and seemed kind of nervous just about half an hour later. "The family to the donor are here in the hospital. They and this… donor were brought in after a car crash earlier today and… The donor was the only one badly hurt and now…. They want to meet the family of the one who is getting his heart." My heart dropped and I slumped down on a chair.

We had all been so very happy that Chelsea was finally getting this new heart, worried that the surgery might not end up as well as we hoped for. There really hadn't been any time to think about and grief over this person we didn't even know that brave and kind heart had been given up for adoption. I looked back at the others and they seemed just about as helpless and in loss of words as I was.

"They really wanted to know where his heart went so… If I were you." Chantelle was talking slowly and kind of carefully. "I would give it a try." I looked back at the others and then nodded. "I'll show them in here." Chantelle looked around in the waiting room that was empty except for me, my children and Jaylie. "I think this will be better than some sterile hospital room." I nodded and sat down on the edge of the seat again. Feeling my heart beating hard and nauseas by nervousness until the door opened five minutes later and Chantelle showed a family into the waiting room.

I wasn't so sure what I had expected. Chantelle had mentioned the donor was a 'he' so maybe a woman and a children or two, telling us that the donor had been an adult man- but so wasn't the case. And the real case, it just broke my heart.

The people that came in was a couple- perhaps in their later thirties or early forties at the most. The man was quite tall, and stood with his arm around the shoulders of the woman who was a good bit shorter than him (still taller than me I could tell) and had short, blonde hair. After them also came a pair of twin girls holding each other's hands, both with long blonde hair in braids. The woman had her arm in a cast and a cut on her forehead had been stitched up, while the others had a few small cuts on their hands and faces.

But still it was when that woman's eyes met mine that I was stunned and froze for a moment. I had heard that the worst thing that could happen to a human being was for a mother to lose her child. But had always doubted it slightly. But looking into those eyes- and already knowing that there probably wasn't another option than her being the donor's mum. I didn't doubt it anymore- not a chance!

"Hello." The man started first while Jaylie, Martha and James got in a line by me. "My name is Carter Benson. And this is my wife, Cecilia. Those are our twin daughters. Chloe to the right and Claire to the left and the donor is… our son Charlie. Did you have a photo honey?" The woman nodded and pulled up a wallet from her pocket while I introduced myself and the others to not waste any more time than we had to.

"The one in there on the table is Chelsea James. And I'm in the works of becoming her foster dad. My name is Elliot Hope and these two are my children James and Martha and she…" I hesitated about Jaylie. "It's a long story. But her name is Jaylie Cameron. And we are… so, so sorry for your loss." Mr. Benson nodded slightly. And it didn't seem like he wanted to talk more about just that.

"Do you…"Mrs. Benson's voice sounded hoarse and broken as she looked up at me again. "Do you want to see a picture of the donor=" I hesitated, then nodded. "Here." She reached me a photo she had had folded in her purse and pushed away the handbag she had hanging on her shoulder. "That's my Charlie."

I put my glasses on and looked down on the photo that showed a boy, just around Chelsea's age, maybe a bit older. He was in the middle of some ballet pirouette with his arms lifted up in front of him, with one foot standing on the tip of his toes and the other leg lifted. He was dressed in jeans, a flower- patterned hoodie and black ballet- shoes whatever you call them. His short, brown hair was flying in the move and he had a very big smile formed on his lips.

"He's beautiful." I had to force myself to keep my voice steady and handed the photo to Martha for the others to see as well. "Again…. I am so, so sorry for your loss. Ehrm…" I scratched the back of my head and wondered about what to say next. "Do you… want to see a photo of the girl that is getting the heart?" Cecilia nodded and I looked to James who had a thing with taking photos more than what I did. He pulled up his phone and riffled a bit, and then showed them a photo with Chelsea sitting in that bed with her loom and loom bands and smiled to the camera.

"Was he a dancer?" Jaylie was the last one to see the photo of Charlie and Mrs. Benson nodded with tears having risen in her eyes. "That's a brave choice. I mean… Don't get me wrong. But to go with ballet instead of football or basketball or motocross or whatever it is that boys do nowadays." Mrs. Benson smiled and looked down on the photo with tears in her eyes.

"Some boys at school found out that he did ballet and teased him for it. And on some mummy's day at school I saw these boys doing it and I started walking over there. It was only that before I reached them Charlie stated 'Ballet built this body' and then just runs off. I had no idea why he decided to say just that but… He did and it worked. They were never on him again. Sorry I don't know why I just told you that."

"It's okay." Martha told them before I had the time. "Would you…" She sent me a death glare that just told me not to protest here. "I don't think we can be this many people in the room when Chelsea is sent out of surgery… But would you like to stay here until we get the news about how Chelsea's surgery went?"

How bad Martha had glared at me just two seconds ago didn't even matter- I wouldn't have had the heart to tell them no when Mrs. Benson nodded after looking to her family members and I turned to move the boxes we had put on the chairs right across of the hallway from where we sat and then everybody sat down again.

"I guess…" Jaylie started talking again after a few minutes of complete silence. "Everything we can do is to talk. To just sit like this will make the time go too slowly and there's still at least three to go. So unless it's too hard for you…" Mr. Benson shook his head and waved it off. "…Tell me more about Charlie… What was he like?"

"Can I call him danceable?" Claire… or was it Chloe asked. "I mean, he danced more than he walked. Everywhere he went he would be just dancing." The other Benson's nodded agreeing. "And he was…"

"Let me say something next." The other twin moaned, and the first one nodded. "He was very good at reading stories and make voices to the people and the animals in the stories. Even though he was younger than me he was a lot better in reading and he'd read me Harry Potter every night." They nodded again while the twin who was slightly smaller than the other looked to their dad.

"He was mad and crazy. Completely mad and crazy." Mr. Benson looked down on his wife and squeezed her hand. "I'm right here honey." Mrs. Benson nodded and took a deep breath before she could continue telling us about Charlie.

"He was happy, and kind. He had loads of energy. He seldom got angry or sad it was like a whirlwind- strong but done and over fast. He was polite, and caring. Helpful… He was my angel." She nodded slightly. "He was a mummy's little boy."

By the last word she said it was barely more than a whisper and for the first time I could see tears fast streaming from Mrs. Benson's eyes, down her cheek and to her chin from where they dropped down onto her Christmas shirt.

I was just in loss of what to do. There could be nothing I could either do or say that would bring Mrs. Benson her child back, and nothing I could either do or say to make her feel better. And nothing much happened at all actually.

"Hey, sch, sch, sch." Mr. Benson was doing his best to comfort his wife. But I could see he was heartbroken too, and more so when the way he was doing it didn't work.

"Don't you shush me Carter Benson." Mrs. Benson seemed mostly angry for a minute. "Don't you shush me. Don't you…" She couldn't keep on going as she completely broke down sobbing and buried her face in her husband's shirt while he was silently doing his best with rubbing her back and playing softly with her hair.

"Mrs. Benson." God knows how long later when Mrs. Benson had calmed down slightly James grabbed a pack of tissues that stood on a table and reached it to her.

"Oh… I can't believe I'm thinking about it now but. Please just call me Celia. God- that's everything anyone has called me since… forever!" Mrs. Ben… Celia dried the tears and sighed. "So, have you got anything else to say about your brother girls?" Celia turned to look at Chloe and Claire and the smaller one laid her head a bit to the side before she spoke.

"He used to always sing. He didn't sing well but he still sang all the time. It was kind of annoying,"

"When we were at the cinema and had popcorn he'd always eat all of everybody's before the movie even started." The other one continued. "That was really annoying."

"He used to talk all the time. And he never wanted to go to bed in the evening. Especially when he was a baby and screamed all through the nights that could be really annoying." Mr. Benson continued. "And he always made sure everybody kept calling me Mr. Benson even though he always knew I preferred first name."

"He used to hug me so hard I could barely breathe." Celia continued last. "And whenever he was ill or hurt he would moan and cry out for me and not so much as let me take a freaking shower. Also, I wasn't exactly over the moon when I found out I was one month months pregnant when I already had two four months old girls in the house, and we had some long discussions about what we should name him. Colin, Casey, Cory, Cody, Coby, Cole. Every boys' name or unisex name that starts with a C and we considered it. At that moment everything was so messed up I wasn't so sure I wanted another kid and he scared me half to death when he was premature born… But I wouldn't have traded him for the world… And now I would do anything to have him back here to do all those things that were just so annoying."

The rest of the Benson's nodded agreeing while Celia turned to me. "Promise me one thing though. Make sure that if your Chelsea pulls through this surgery and lives. That she lives the life to the fullest, and never ever put work or homework or anything like that in front of just… playing and fooling around. Homework can be done later, maybe not for you because you're a doctor but… Just make sure you make the most out of each moment you get with her and don't ever take anything for granted." I nodded.

"I promise."

"Charlie was… obsessed with Fanta and with these Haribo candies that looks like fried eggs." Cecilia struggled slightly to get a Christmas present out of her bag with one hand but it went a bit easier when Carter held onto the bag to keep it from moving. "But he kept on running out of them so I got him this with loads of it so he would have for a while. But… Now I guess he'll never get it anyway. Can you get the paper off it, honey?" She reached the present to one of her daughters and she nodded and ripped the papers of to reveal a carton filled with bags of those candies and Fanta- cans. "So. Everybody grab each bag of candy and each can of Fanta.

I glared at Jaylie. She was not having a whole bag of candy, at least not all at once and along with all the sugar there was in one can of Fanta and she knew it. Jaylie just rolled her eyes at me but we two ended up sharing one bag of those candies- still getting our own cans of drinks. And then Cecilia raised her can in a toast.

"To Charlie. My little angel." We others raised our cans and as of a miracle nobody's voice was shaking as we said the same thing all at once.

"To Charlie."

**Charlie is portrayed by Griffin Gluck. Parents Carter and Cecilia by Noah Wyle and Romy Rosemont. And then twins Claire and Chloe by Nelly and Gwen Currant. Chelsea is portrayed by (younger) Gracie Whitton and Jaylie by Britt Robertson. You can find polyvore's made for Chelsea, Jaylie and Charlie with pictures of his family members if you press the link on my profile with 'edits for other stories' **


	4. Love of my life

**One year later **

Walking through the forest towards the glade where we had been standing in the middle of the blizzard to let the ashes go of the child that was lost we were a very silent group of people. Half of us heartbroken by the one we had lost Christmas day last year, and the other half showing the respect to the first and keeping silent and our heads down to see the ground not to slip or trip and fall.

The memories of Christmas day and Chelsea getting sent into surgery still squeezed my heart and I felt the same fear as then roaring up inside of me when I thought about it. While thinking about that my thoughts led back to the Benson's and that squeezed my heart all over again. As well as the thought about how Chelsea had been right before and right after before we knew how it was going to end up squeezed my heart all over again.

Despite knowing that what brought us all here for the first time to spread the ashes. And today to remember the young life that had been lost. When a squeaky child voice broke the only sound of our feet towards the wet ground.

"Up, up. I want to come up."

I couldn't help to smile slightly when I looked to this happy and energetic Chelsea walking in between James and Martha in front of me and Jaylie. In front of them were Claire and Chloe Benson, and right in the front Celia and Carter. We had been meeting up at least once a week the past year, and seen the loss of their child push Celia and Carter further and further away from each other. Until at last they had no other choice than to separate if they were going to at least going to be able to stay friends for the sake of Claire and Chloe's.

"Okay, come on then." James kneeled to let Chelsea crawl over his back and onto his shoulders. When James stood up again Chelsea was sitting so high up on his shoulders she could see over the top of Carter's thatch and tall figure.

It was amazing to see Chelsea now after having seen her for just about a year ago. Then she hadn't been able to get out of that hospital bed, and certainly not out of the room. Pale and ill she had just been lying there. Barely even able to gather enough energy to thank us for the Christmas presents that we all knew she had loved anyway.

The Chelsea that was sitting on James's shoulders now was hard to believe was the same person. She was always happy, always had loads of energy. Always wanting to know more about everyone and everything. And absolutely never still and quiet.

Well, that was except for now when she too could feel the tensed and depressed feeling in the air this Christmas day as the Benson's and Hope's along with Jaylie and Chelsea- who would soon be a Hope walked once again towards the glade right by a lake where we had been to spread Charlie's ashes.

"And so. We're here." Celia stopped and waited for us all to make a line on the open glade by the lake. "So…" She was holding on to a candle and she pulled up a lighter from her pocket and with shaky hands she lit it up and looked towards the lake. "I was meaning to say something here but I…" She pushed the lighter back into her pocket and wiped the tears with her empty hands. "I mean what was I supposed to say?" She sighed and closed her eyes. "God I love you Charlie. Now as much as ever. And I hope that wherever you are. You know that." Carter tried to give the comfort that he could and wrapped his fingers around Celia's but she just shook it off. "And I want you to know that what's going on in between me and daddy now isn't in any ways your fault… I just… We just loved… love you so incredibly much." Celia looked around. "Anyone else have got something to say to Charlie?"

"I want to. Let me down Jamey." James nodded and let Chelsea down to stand on her own two feet before she pulled up a note that James had helped her to write with her reading it and James sat down on one knee by her to help her read when she couldn't quite do it. "Charlie…. I really love you too. I love you b… be…"

"Because" James read the whole long word to her and Chelsea nodded and continued.

"…Because when I got your heart I could live. I'm sorry that you had to die. But I will make sure that I take very good well of your heart and I will make sure I love all I can with it. Which isn't so hard since I love your whole family and my whole families. And I will love all of my life and all that I can, so that when I can see you for real. You can have your heart back filled with loads of love, but no hate. Sincerely Chelsea Marie James. Soon to be Chelsea Marie Hope when Elliot adopts me."

Chelsea finished reading and looked up and glanced towards the water. "That was really beautiful." Celia said and bent down to hug Chelsea. "Charlie loves you too. Okay… Then…" Still with shaky and also stiff fingers from the cold Celia pulled up a small bag from her pocket and unwrapped it before she pulled out a small bouquet of flowers that she placed on the ground. "It's cold so I suppose we better head back." Carter wasn't slow with reacting and pulled off his own gloves and handed them to Celia. Whom without another word pulled them onto her hands over her own gloves.

"Dad?"

I looked down at Martha who stood rubbing her hands against each other and blowing on them to try and heat them up. And like any gentle man (And gentle dad) would I pulled my own gloves off like Carter had just done for Celia and handed mine to Martha.

"Thanks. I hope that you won't be too cold now." I shook my head and waved it off. I could live with that if Martha wasn't. And to show this even more I wrapped my arm around her shoulders. And couldn't help to look on Jaylie's face when James and Chelsea stood together, I and Martha, Claire and Chloe and I and Martha. But before I had had the time to do anything Celia had mentioned to and put an arm around the shoulders on the younger woman while I couldn't help but smile.

"Well." It wasn't long after when Celia spoke again. "I guess we should just go then." She turned around and once again. When we moved back towards the car. Chelsea sat on James's shoulders. And we were a pretty silent group of people moving back through the forest.

All until….

"Look"

Chelsea's squeaky voice sounded loud from where she sat on James's shoulders. And she pointed to the side where we all turned to look. I looked around quickly to see where she was pointing. But it didn't take long before I had spotted the red spot in the dark mud mixed with white snow running around on the ground. Spinning and turning almost as if it was trying to get away from something stuck in his fear during weird, false noises.

"So that is what the fox does say." James stated jokingly while he looked to the red fox right in front of us. "What's it doing? I think it's got something stuck in its fur that it's trying to get away from or something."

"Charlie." Celia whispered. "Everything fits… twisting and turning, the false 'singing'. Charlie!"

The look on Carter's face didn't told us much else than that even if he didn't say anything he agreed fully with his wife. And I looked back towards the fox that continued with its kind of 'dance' and false noises. Then suddenly stopped and looked right at us, blinked. And then turned and ran deeper into the forest and out of our sight.

"Charlie!" Chelsea agreed with a hand over her heart. "I can feel it."

And with that, there was nothing much left to say. And silently we walked back to the cars and drove home to mine, Chelsea's and Jaylie's for a snack and talking without freezing half to death.

"Here you go girls." In the kitchen about an hour later, Celia placed each cup of hot chocolate with a mountain of whipped cream and marshmallows in front of Claire, Chloe and Chelsea. Before she turned back to the kitchen bench and took two new cups and placed them in front of me and Carter and then at last took the two last cup and took one of them herself and reached the other one to Jaylie.

"So. Chelsea…" Carter turned to the dark- haired child sitting right by him. "A little birdy told me you were selling all of those hundreds of hearts you've been making for like a pound each?" Chelsea nodded quickly. "Oh, may I buy a few? I'm a bit late with some Christmas presents." This time Chelsea shook her head.

"No. I'm starting to sell them January the first. Then I'll take them to the hospital and Mo will be the first one to buy some. I gave her the honor since she did my surgery. Then you can buy one." Carter punched slightly in the air to show his bad luck but was still smiling to let Chelsea know he wasn't angry or so for real. And then returned to his hot chocolate.

"What are you thinking about Cel?"

Carter seemed curious, and I couldn't blame him since I had just noticed how it seemed like Celia was far gone in her own thoughts. And she didn't answer right away, but signed to Chelsea whom jumped down from her chair. Got a stethoscope from one of the kitchen drawers. And then crawled up on the chair next to Celia and put the bell to her chest and gave Celia the other end so she could listen to the heart.

This would go on every once in a while. It gave Celia something, but she hadn't quite been able to put in words what to listen to her son's heart's beating even though he wasn't there with her. And Chelsea hadn't given it a single hesitate before she let her do it. And it was one of the few situations that had Chelsea sitting still and quiet.

At last Celia pulled away from Chelsea and waited a moment before she answered.

"One year ago. I would have given my heart up for sale just like Chelsea is selling these loom band hearts just like that. Losing my baby boy just hurt too much. I would have given it up in a blink. But... Then I met you. And I know that it would probably be against the law for us to know each other or whatever. But…. I met you. And I got to know you and yeah, all that jazz. And I met you Chelsea. And I saw what it did that we hadn't let Charlie sit in the front seat like he wanted. And it never got easier. But it wasn't always quite as hard. Especially not remembering how I loved him then. And how I still love him now. And how I love all of you, and so many others. And Charlie… And I wouldn't give that up for the world. Of course I would want Charlie to still be here and it took a long time before I could think like that but… but maybe it was meant to be. So promise me Chelsea. Promise me. That whatever you do with his heart. You make as much as you possibly could and as much difference as you possibly could. As much love and as much as life as you possibly could. Promise me that." Chelsea crawled from her chair and up in Celia's lap.

"I promise. I will love with Charlie's heart as much as I possibly can. And I promise. That I will help Charlie love and help him help and live. And I promise to always love you. All of my life, I will always love you."

And with that. Chelsea leaned her head against Celia's shoulder, and they both silent.

And during the next week, Chelsea talked about going to sell those hearts. Dreamed about it, breathed about it, breathed about it. Everything she did was how she would sell those hearts. Until she at last walked up towards the hospital with me.

Chelsea was as good as jumping on the asphalt next to me. And I was almost afraid that she'd let go of my hand and run straight out in the road. But like she should Chelsea held onto my hand all the way until we walk through the doors to the hospital. Then she couldn't wait any longer and let go of my hand to run up to the elevator and pressed the button for it to come.

"Are you excited to see Mo and Chantelle and the others?" Chelsea nodded happily. "I talked to them earlier. And I know they're excited to see you to." Chelsea grabbed onto my hand again and we stepped into the elevator. Chelsea was still and would always be short for her age so I had to lift her up to press the right button and then put her down onto the floor again. And during the way up Chelsea was once again jumping next to me.

It was a good thing we saw Mo as soon as the doors opened, otherwise Chelsea might have exploded in pure excitement. But we saw her, and she saw us just as the doors opened and Chelsea ran up to her holding onto her bag with hearts and straight into Mo's arms before Mo lifted Chelsea up on her hip.

"Hey Chels." She greeted with a big smile on her lips while I caught up with them. "Oh, have I heard right? Are you selling these hearts? And I'm the first one who gets to buy one?" Chelsea nodded. "That would be an honor. I want to buy two hearts. One light blue and one of a color that you like? How much will that be?"

"Two pounds."

Mo reached down into her pocket and pulled up two one- pound- bills and handed them to Chelsea who pulled up one light blue and one orange and she handed them to Mo whose smile was undeniable.

"Oh, they're beautiful." Mo let Chelsea down onto the floor again. "Hey, tell you what. I still have one pound left in my pocket so if you can just pour all hearts out on the desk and I'll buy one more. Okay?" I gave Chelsea the sign she had made and she held it up. "Hearts for sale." Mo read out loud. "Let's be happy they're only made of loom bands and not real hearts." Chelsea thought a minute about what Mo had joked about and then looked up at the woman with a look on her face as if she was actually far gone in her own thoughts.

"If I had still had the heart I had until last year. I would have given that real heart up for sale. I really didn't lie it. It hurt all the time and made me ill." Chelsea climbed up on a chair by the desk and poured out all of the hearts on the desk. "I like the heart that is both light blue and light pink."

Mo looked at me holding a hand over her heart as if it was just breaking for what Chelsea had told her. But so Chelsea continued telling her which hearts she liked. And Mo turned back to her until she at last decided on a green one.

"Oh." Sacha came over to the desk and looked to Chelsea with a sheepish smile on his lips. "What gives us the honor? Your highness." He pretended to lift an invisible hat off and bowed to Chelsea. "Oh, these are the hearts that you've been making." Chelsea held up the sign she had. "Hearts for sale, one pound each. All of the money goes to the fund for heart diseases. Oh, that's sweet." He searched through his pockets and pulled up a few bills. "So, I have two daughters and one son. Then of course I want one of these hearts for myself. Do you want to choose colors? Okay, choose one for my daughter Rachel first then."

Chelsea glanced over the key rings and picked out a black one that she handed to Sacha. "That will be perfect for Rachel. So one for my other daughter Becca then?" Once again Chelsea was choosing for a long time and at last she pulled out a purple one. "Oh, Becca loves purple. How did you even know? So one for Daniel? My son." Once again choosing took a long time but I didn't want to stress her before she pulled out a green one and handed it to Sacha. "And at last one for me?" This time Chelsea didn't even hesitate before she chose a bright and neon pink one that she handed to Sacha. "Oh great. Pink is my favorite color." He pulled out a ten pound bill from his wallet and handed it to Chelsea that looked like she had never seen such a big bill before and riffled in her pocket and counted how much he would get for change. "Don't mind about it. Keep the change." Sacha pushed the key rings down into her pocket. "You're doing something great darling." With that he turned around and disappeared from the ward and out of my sight.

Chelsea was smiling bright while she sold to Chantelle and to Digby, to Dr. Griffin and even to Jac and Mr. Hansen. And she continued doing so while we walked out into the car and headed home where the Benson's were waiting and were finally able to buy each key ring. Just as they left Jaylie came in with the post and excitedly held up a letter from the adoption bureau and I ripped it out of her hands.

I decided not to tell Chelsea right away though, and finally that night when I sat with her on my lap in the window seal in her room reading the cat in the hat for what must be the millionth time I put the book down and looked to Chelsea.

"Chels. You know how we were fixing so that I'd be what we call your legal guardian so I can almost be your parent for real and we don't need to call your mum every once in a while to let her make the decisions? What we call an adoption?" Chelsea nodded. "Well, I had the last letter from them today. So that means that I am now really your guardian and your last name is Hope." Chelsea smiled tiredly and snuggled a bit closer into my shirt- I think she was too little (and too tired) to understand what this really meant.

"Elli?" I felt something squeeze my heart when Chelsea used that silly nickname. There were only two people who had called me that before- mum and Gina. Since they had both died I wouldn't have believed I would ever be able to stand someone calling me that ever again but I couldn't get Chelsea to stop using it.

"Yes sweetheart?"

"You are kind of my dad now aren't you?" I couldn't help but smile and my heart filled with pride when I looked down at her and nodded. "So… Can I call you daddy?" My smile grew even bigger while Chelsea in waiting for an answer snuggled even closer into my shirt.

"Of course you can. Whatever you want sweetie."

"I love you daddy."

It was a good thing Chelsea had closed her eyes to sleep and I had raised my vision to look towards the sun going down. Otherwise she would have seen the tears of pride and joy raising in my eyes no matter how much I tried fighting them away before I answered and it didn't matter how much I tried. The shakiness could still be heard and if it wasn't for that she was already fast asleep in my arms she would have heard more than the plain words I told her.

"I love you too Chels."

**Random fact **

That ending part was actually one of the very first parts I created and planned for the story. And it was always going to end with 'I love you too Chels' well… not unless I would have chosen another name for her. Because Chelsea's name was almost Jaylie. And I had so much trouble finally deciding onto Chelsea you wouldn't even believe.

**Thank you for reading **

**-Linnéa **


End file.
